This issue is one that has been plaguing my mind for some years, and so I feel the need to address it (warning: serious post, feel free to skip).
I understand that people saying "faggot" is offensive, and if someone actually called me it in earnest (which hasn't happened since I was younger, though in elementary and middle school it did happen quite frequently) I'd be a little offended. But if I'm with friends and they say it jokingly, I'm not going to be. Plain and simple. The world is filled with people who use offensive, non-inclusive language. To let every single case of this affect me would be extremely time-consuming to say the least. And that's why the notion of "political correctness" irks me immensely. Anyone that knows me even a little knows that I'm pretty damn far from being PC.
For someone to think I don't embrace my sexuality because I'm not a die-hard, politically correct gay activist, is to completely misunderstand me. I wore purple and pink and went to multiple Prop 8 rallies in 2008. I was a member of my high school's Gay Straight Alliance, and wore a little rainbow pin on my backpack to show my support. I have always been up front and honest about my sexuality; I came out to every single one of my friends, and even the majority of my high school teachers. (Yes, my parents are still in the dark - but that's far more complicated and personal.)
I understand. Straight people often do make life hard on us gay men. That said, you can't just stew over it and let it take over your life. I definitely used to do that - sophomore year of high school I pitied myself so much for being gay, I thought life wasn't worth living and thought about suicide constantly. But I was fifteen. I had to grow up. Yes, being gay is tough, but I don't let it drag me down anymore. And if that means distancing myself a little from my self-image as a "gay" man, so be it. Who I have sex with is a part of me - but it's not who I am. I'm Navid. I'm a 19 year old Literature major at UCSB. I am also a homosexual. But I don't see that as the core of my identity, at all. When I think of myself I think of my love for nature, friends, animals, reading and writing (okay, and partying). And yes, I also enjoy the sight, and occasional caress, of hot boiz. But that is merely one single facet of my identity.
The problem with gay men is that they allow their sexuality to override their entire personalities. They get so fixated on being gay, and all that that entails, that they constrict themselves from the full scope of their identities. They make themselves stereotypes because they see a world filled with hatred and bigotry and see a response to that in pride and flamboyance. And though that's their choice, it saddens me. Do you expect straight people to take us seriously if you fulfill all of their preconceived notions of us? Why do people - and I am now speaking broadly - feel the need to identify so fully with their societal group? Black pride, Latino pride, Persian pride, gay pride, whatever... I understand the desire; when faced with adversity, pride appears as a tool of empowerment.
But in identifying with one's societal "label" rather than one's own self, the discriminated only hurt themselves, furthering stereotypes and unnecessary abstractions. And every single gay man I have met - with the exception of perhaps three I can think of - fully embodies this self-simplification. And that is why I do not focus so much on my sexuality. I am more than just a gay man. I have no obligations to behave in a certain way, or carry any sort of gay pride. I am just me, with no attachments to any kind of external categorization.
In short, who you fuck is not who you are.
For someone to think I don't embrace my sexuality because I'm not a die-hard, politically correct gay activist, is to completely misunderstand me. I wore purple and pink and went to multiple Prop 8 rallies in 2008. I was a member of my high school's Gay Straight Alliance, and wore a little rainbow pin on my backpack to show my support. I have always been up front and honest about my sexuality; I came out to every single one of my friends, and even the majority of my high school teachers. (Yes, my parents are still in the dark - but that's far more complicated and personal.)
I understand. Straight people often do make life hard on us gay men. That said, you can't just stew over it and let it take over your life. I definitely used to do that - sophomore year of high school I pitied myself so much for being gay, I thought life wasn't worth living and thought about suicide constantly. But I was fifteen. I had to grow up. Yes, being gay is tough, but I don't let it drag me down anymore. And if that means distancing myself a little from my self-image as a "gay" man, so be it. Who I have sex with is a part of me - but it's not who I am. I'm Navid. I'm a 19 year old Literature major at UCSB. I am also a homosexual. But I don't see that as the core of my identity, at all. When I think of myself I think of my love for nature, friends, animals, reading and writing (okay, and partying). And yes, I also enjoy the sight, and occasional caress, of hot boiz. But that is merely one single facet of my identity.
The problem with gay men is that they allow their sexuality to override their entire personalities. They get so fixated on being gay, and all that that entails, that they constrict themselves from the full scope of their identities. They make themselves stereotypes because they see a world filled with hatred and bigotry and see a response to that in pride and flamboyance. And though that's their choice, it saddens me. Do you expect straight people to take us seriously if you fulfill all of their preconceived notions of us? Why do people - and I am now speaking broadly - feel the need to identify so fully with their societal group? Black pride, Latino pride, Persian pride, gay pride, whatever... I understand the desire; when faced with adversity, pride appears as a tool of empowerment.
But in identifying with one's societal "label" rather than one's own self, the discriminated only hurt themselves, furthering stereotypes and unnecessary abstractions. And every single gay man I have met - with the exception of perhaps three I can think of - fully embodies this self-simplification. And that is why I do not focus so much on my sexuality. I am more than just a gay man. I have no obligations to behave in a certain way, or carry any sort of gay pride. I am just me, with no attachments to any kind of external categorization.
In short, who you fuck is not who you are.
